This list exists so you do not have to hold it all in your head
When someone close dies, the practical tasks arrive exactly when you have the least capacity for them. Your mind works badly, and that is normal. The point of a list is to stop you trying to remember everything at once, and to let you hand parts of it to other people — they are almost always willing to help but do not know how.
This covers the organisational side only. Procedures, deadlines and requirements differ by country and region and change over time, so confirm the specifics with your local authority or funeral service. None of it replaces talking to the people supporting you.
The first hours
First comes the medical certification and calling the appropriate services: without that document nothing else can be arranged. Then telling the closest relatives and deciding who coordinates. It does not have to be you: the coordinator can be whoever is slightly steadier right now.
Everything else — the form of the farewell, documents, money, notifications — can wait a few hours, and should be shared out.
What to hand to other people
| Task | Who usually finds it easier |
|---|---|
| Phoning relatives and colleagues | Someone calmer on the phone |
| Meeting people who travel in | Those living closer or with a car |
| Food and household basics | The people asking “what can I do” |
| Dealing with organisations | Someone with a clear head and patience |
| Children and pets | Relatives the children already know |
Asking for help here is not weakness and not an imposition: most people want to help and are waiting for a specific request.
Documents: the general principle
You will need several originals of the main certificates and many copies. Keep one folder — physical and on your phone — and put everything in it: certificates, contracts, receipts, statements. It makes the following weeks much easier, when you will be contacting different organisations and repeating the same things.
Write down who said what, with the date and a name. Tiredness undermines memory, and the questions will repeat.
What does not need deciding now
Sorting belongings, selling property, inheritance questions, changing contracts and subscriptions — all of these have their own deadlines, and almost none of them require a decision in the first days. Put them on a separate list and come back when you have the strength. Decisions made in the first week are often the ones people later regret.
About you
Eat, drink water, sleep even in fragments, and do not stay alone for long. This is not politeness: the organisational side needs attention, and attention is the first thing to go. If you can, ask someone to be with you at any meeting where decisions have to be made.
